Staying Positive After a Layoff

If you have been laid off you know how difficult a task being positive and confident can be.  I talked to a new client yesterday, and she was crushed after losing her job.  She didn’t know how to cope with “being a commodity”.  Here are some tips to help with the emotional disappointment and lost confidence.  

It is a business decision and not a reflection of who you are or your capabilities.  Read this again, it is very important.  Being laid off feels very personal since it is happening to you, but it is a bottom-line decision.  Many people find their identity in their jobs, but this is just one factor of a person and doesn’t define you completely.  Seek out new experiences to learn something new, meet new people, and find another niche.  

If there was a performance component to your job loss, accept it and make some changes.  

To gain some perspective, review your evaluations.  You’ll see the good work you’ve done and feel better about your skills and abilities.  

Write out your accomplishments.  Most people discount their experience as “just doing my job” so reflect on what you were able to accomplish.  What are you most proud of?  Did you exceed expectations, save money, make money, improve a process?  Write out the stories in a Problem-Action-Result format detailing your actions, the obstacles you overcame, and the benefits to the company.  This will boost your confidence, and is very useful for your resume and interviewing.  

You are not alone.  It may sound strange, but take some comfort in the fact layoffs are happening to everyone, not just you.  It’s hard to find someone who has never been laid off before.  That doesn’t change your situation but there is evidence of life after a layoff.  

You have a new opportunity to reinvent yourself.  I’ve found that a forced event like a layoff brings freedom.  You might not have made the choice to leave, but once the decision is made you can look at your career and make some adjustments.  Perhaps you fell into your job and it wasn’t exactly what you wanted, but you made the best of it.  Now you have a new opportunity to determine what your strengths are, define the best fit for you, and go after it.  

Maybe you want to upgrade your skills, take a class, try something new, or return to a previous career, it is up to you.   

Accept support.  This can be a challenge for many people who are more comfortable giving support than asking and accepting it.  Be careful not to isolate yourself or get into any destructive escape patterns.  Seek professional help if necessary.  A few months on anti-depressants are not the end of the world or a reflection of your resilience.  

Be kind to yourself.  We beat ourselves up more than anyone with our internal dialogue.  Deal in reality.  The economy is the real culprit.  There is a process of change you will go through, no matter what the reason for the change.  Understanding the process can make it easier.

Stage One:  Standing in the hallway.  When one door closes, another opens.  Expect some confusion in the beginning.  You may be uncertain about the future and making decisions may be difficult.

To help yourself

·          Remind yourself that change is normal.

·          Use “to do” lists to keep goals clear.

·          Clarify expectations of those involved.  

Stage Two:  The Big D.  Denial.  You may be denying the situation or pretending that it is “no big deal”.  You may be telling others that you aren’t concerned.  You may even believe this yourself.

To help yourself

·          Tell yourself the truth.

·          List the gains and losses that have resulted from the change.

·          Allow yourself to feel sad about the losses. 

Stage Three:  The Pits.  You will recognize this phase when it occurs.  This is the low point of the transition.  You may feel anger, discouragement, resentment and resistance.

To help yourself

·          Let yourself experience your feelings.  Avoidance and denial will stall the recovery process.

·          Discuss your feelings with supportive and encouraging people.  Seek out others with the same experience for guidance and support.  Ask for professional help if you need it.

·          Start to think about the positive outcomes of the transition and what that will be like.  Think of them often.  This helps reframe your focus from the past to the future.  

Stage Four:  Letting Go.  Until now you probably spent most of the time focusing on the past.  Now you are starting to accept the change and starting to prepare for the future.  Don’t expect a smooth transition, something may drag you back into the Pit.  Don’t be discouraged.  Your backward slide is only temporary.  Keep trying and focus ahead.

To help yourself

·          Say goodbye to the past.  There is no turning back, and your energy is wasted looking backward.

·          Open yourself to new experiences and resources to obtain new skills and opportunities.

·          Take care of yourself.  Celebrate small successes. 

Stage Five:  Just Do it! At this point, the sadness is fading and there is a quiet confidence everything will work out.  You feel alive again.  Test the waters.

 To help yourself

·          Seek new experiences.  Find ways to use the skills you have gained.

·          Spend time with people who have experienced similar changes.

·          Continue to express your feelings with supportive and encouraging people. 

Stage Six:  What have I learned?  You may want to look back over the change and see what you learned along the way.  You will probably experience new confidence and sense of accomplishment.

To help yourself

·          Spend time thinking about how your life has changed, and how you were changed in the process. 

·          Consider which stages were the most difficult, and the coping skills you used that were most helpful. 

Stage Seven:  Onward and upward.  You have survived!  The change, once daunting and frightening, has now become a part of your life.  But with change being constant, you may not be fully adjusted to one change when another happens.

To help yourself

·          Be patient.  Remind yourself how far you’ve come and the skills you gained along the way.

·          Support others that are going through similar transitions. 

As you experience a transition, rest assured that the range of emotions you feel is natural and normal.  Experience the feelings, work through the fear.  If you deny the feelings or delay dealing with the emotions now, they may surface later, say in an interview.  Buried feelings, anger and resentment may be evident to others in our physical appearance, voice inflection and tone, and even in the words we choose to describe ourselves.  

Take advantage of available resources.  Sign up with a temp agency, visit a career center, attend networking functions, go online for resume assistance, or better yet, contact me for assistance.  With over 14 years experience and more layoffs than I care to tell you, I understand what you are going through and have the tools to assist you.